My
sister was anguished recently when her friend said that he wanted to get his
daughter married off. He was not very keen in educating his daughter and felt
that it is waste of money. She was fretting and fuming and was wondering how
parents can be think like this in the present time frame. The culture of
insubordination of female children was not acceptable by her ….. And she raised
questions like: what are parents expecting; she was anxious about the girl’s
mental health; what security will the girl achieve; how will the girl feel
secure after marriage and so on…..
My
responses to her queries were as follows…..I just thought of sharing.
1. Parents
should never expect anything from their children…If they do they become traders
of affection.
2. Every
human is adamant at any age …the difference is in their readiness to accept
your view point and how convincing your argument is …of course teen age is an
age of storms……but they are just expressing a normal human quality …..a little
on the higher degree…..We are unnecessarily getting annoyed with this as
parents.
3. Control
is the quality of human beings. An individual who is in an elevated position in
status, position, money power, muscle power …so on ………always wants to control
the meek and vulnerable……he or she may be a child, teenage, or from any
gender. It is an expression of power and satisfies his or her ego.
4. Whether
it is a boy or girl you tell them not to do something which they have been
dreaming since child hood they will definitively feel the same. The boy breaks
off faster from these shackles because he has a biological edge over girls.
This is a world of the fittest…..so it is always a struggle to exist and
succeed…..Education does not promise a struggle - free life. It only sharpens
your intelligence to see broader perspective to every problem and to negotiate
through every obstacle with confidence …that’s it.
5. Responsibility
is a relative factor. It depends on the mindset of the individual and his or
her affection. For some marriage is the point where responsibility is over…but
for some responsibility begins after the marriage of their child. It is an
individual’s choice.
6. Future
is only a prediction …nobody can guarantee help and guidance at all time.
Parent’s role is just 25 % in every individual life, 25 % children learn from
society; 25 % from formal education and the balance 25% from their own
individual experiences…….Every body’s life is a lonely journey…By nature girls
has better intuitive power and resilience power than boys. The girls should
definitely understand this and shed all fears. She must only trust her
strengths and learn to take charge of her life especially after her marriage.
She must use all the lessons that she has learnt from her parents /school and
society and assess people rightly.
7.
Parents are generally, like my sister’s friend
very anxious that is why he wants her to get married. It also reflects that he
has a very narrow perspective of life. He is not against education but fearful
of the peer pressure that his child will be subjected to and presumes that
marriage is the ultimate solution. It is of course a mistaken thought ……but he
is high in anxiety hence cannot see reason.
The solution lies in how the girl can negotiate with her
father and make him accept her graduation. If she is not successful she has not
lost anything she can use the freedom after marriage to continue her education.
I wish to emphasis that education does not guarantee
problem free life or happiness. It only expands your thoughts and helps you to
make money. Music, art and games are the only aspects which gives happiness to
the soul of an individual at every age.
Women are created primarily for creating and nurturing
life. This role cannot be neglected by any female. Even feminist cannot deny
this. The biological difference must be accepted. Equality has to be achieved
within the constraints of your responsibilities as a woman. The women must
learn to balance her role as a career women and a mother …if she cannot balance
she must satisfy just one role and give up the other, because her decision has
an impact on the next generation.
Equality is not breaking the glass ceiling but stealthily
cracking it so that it makes way for women to scale heights. I also wish to
emphasis that women who have got married after school…and have studied through
correspondence, have obtained the highest educational qualification (Ph.D) and
joined work later in life …nurtured …..their children and have reached the highest position in their career.
My last word to my sister was: Ask your friend to shed
his anxiety and if he desires to get his child married, provided he comes
across a good and right guy for his daughter. Once she is married you can help
her by showing the options to educate her. Any loving spouse will permit this.
Marriage is beautiful when it is done when young …………and
……………how much ever your succeed and achieve it is finally the family that
matters’
Parents are not everything in a Child's life they are only
a part in a Child's life.
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