Understanding Emptiness

A friend of mine, Radha, was at her peak of her career a successful woman with another decade to climb in her career ladder. Though not very ambitious she was a very hard working and a most sought after person in her professional circle. Suddenly she quit and decided to stay at home. Like many of her friends I was also very shocked and decided to visit her home to understand the reason for such an abrupt ending of her career.
I was close to her to guess the reason but could not believe and prayed that it should not be the reason as I was travelling to her residence.
She welcomed me with all the usual warmth and after the initial courtesies we went to her balcony for a private chat.
Her husband opted to take their only child out so that we had some privacy and my friend also could share her heart out.
Tears rolling down her cheeks she just said, “I feel empty”
I just could not understand what this phrase means.

Radha re-winded her story as follows”
“Education is the birth right of every human, struggling through a patriarchal system I acquired the formal education. I got married to a man who is “Rama” personified. Joined a job and as luck favored scaled heights in my career. But as you know our only child is fighting a chronic illness which is draining our physical and psychological energy. As stated in our epics if health is lost everything is lost. I have been putting a mask and have been carrying on through these years as though “all is well” in my personal life. But when God is not showing mercy and we find our self landing in the doorstep of Yamaraja; each time pulling her back by the medical intelligentsia; it is frustrating and depleting all our energy. Under these circumstances motivation, inspiring success stories does not make sense, My gut is burning and my legs are becoming weak and folding off , I feel no purpose in this fight and tug of war! I just feel empty………..just existing without a purpose. Me and my husband are groping in a dark tunnel for more than a decade now and find no end in this tunnel or speck of light.  How can I continue ……may be this is called “Prabhala Vairagiayam”--- an absolute detachment.”

Radha spoke with tears rolling. I was unable to come to terms because Radha never gives ups so easily. She likes challenges and was always pro active in her work. She is very meticulous and has been an inspiration and a role model for many. How can she ……..give up.
Knowing her domestic problem for some time now I did not know how to console her. I sat there for another hour just listening, empathizing but could not find appropriate words to console.

Finally just said “Hang on Radha ……….Bad times and good times are just a vicious cycle. ….......Hang on…..”

Distressed I returned home. I rolled and could not sleep well for the next few days. I was doing my job mechanically ……….I also started feeling angry and of course Empty….

I wanted to understand how to conquer this emptiness so that I could help my friend Radha. I googgled and searched and came across many interesting facts and articles.  I decided to consolidate my findings so that it may help Radha and many others who go through this phase in their life.

The free dictionary.com defines emptiness as vacant, blank, void, and barren. In this context it would mean lacking purpose or substance, meaningless: an empty life.  In the Sanskrit language it would mean śūnyatā.  In Mahayana Buddhism emptiness is differentiated from nothingness. Yogācāra or Cittamātra of Mahayana teaching states emptiness as the lack of any substantial difference between consciousnesses and their objects of apprehension.
Emptiness means stillness, no dream, no expectations, just blank without thoughts. It is being silent and rediscovering you. This feeling of emptiness leads to greater understanding and learning about yourself and the universe. In this state you become empty of all emotions like anger, jealousy, purpose, including the fear of unknown. Ego gradually exits from the self. You lose all that have been cluttering your mind so far.
The self starts understanding that the director in your life is the Almighty.
It is a feeling when we realize that we have no control on the consequences of an action. We are nobody in this universe.
This feeling of emptiness helps you to move as per the flow of life.
Emptiness once sets in does not vanish. No person, however close cannot fill the space. The space of nothingness just remains. This situation seems to be a dead end in your life and you are likely to change the course by turning around. It is a state of consciousness about you. It gives a fresh meaning for your existence. Your mind is filled with the fragrance of the cosmos as you feel hollow.

All this while you have been conflicting and resisting the flow of life. You thought you decide the course of your life. But once you are empty you stop resisting, it is the beginning of a state of bliss. After some time you tend to relax and meditate. You are clear that there is nothing that can destroy you and you will exist until you have to.
Emptiness starts with a feeling of loss, dissatisfaction and unachieved desires. This negativity leads to frustration, and depression. But this in course of time can make you feel light because you are not fighting a war with anybody anymore. You are in a state that nothing matters any more, but peaceful existence.
You no longer want any garbage within you.

I finally realized that Radha sense of emptiness is good for her so that she can stop juggling and lead a peaceful existence.
As a professional person she would have slipped out but I am sure as a Human being she will find a new meaning for life.

Life purposes are made in heaven; we are just puppets in this cosmos.