LISTEN PLEASE..............

We come across this phrase quiet often, “Listen please…” Earnest Hemingway says: “I like to listen, I have learnt a great deal from listening carefully. Most people never listen.” I used to wonder why this emphasis. On serious thinking I realized that it is a neglected skill. We teach our children writing skills, reading skills, speaking skills, but not listening skills. An air pilot has to be trained in sharpening his listening skills lest he may bring a calamity. Listening is crucial in the work place and also in the home front. A mother puts the shoes on for her child in Pre KG. The child cried and kept on lifting the leg tried telling his mother something. The mother did not listen because it was already time to school and the bus was waiting. The child was crying throughout in the bus and died in the classroom. Later it was found that there was a scorpion inside the shoes. The mother thought the child was reluctant to go to school, If only she had listened to the cries and gestures of the child!!!!
In the communication process the receiver decodes the message and understands the thought sent by the sender. Unless the message is understood in the perspective of the sender the process of communication is not complete. Listening is a significant mode of communication. Listening therefore is a significant part of the communication process. When somebody is talking or saying something we automatically listen. Why this stress to listen. I decided to understand more on this simple concept. The dictionary meaning stated “to give attention with your ear”, “becoming alert to a sound”. Listening also means being actively involved in receiving and responding to spoken or unspoken messages. Listening is making sense of spoken words of a person directly or through a telephone or through any electronic media. A doctor listens to the heart beat to understand the well being of his patient.
Hearing is different from listening. Unless we have hearing problem our ears can capture the sound around us. When the fan is rotating it makes an OOOOHHHHH……sound. Whether we want it or not it just enters our ear, it just happens. That is hearing. When we make a conscious effort to understand and comprehend a sound, gesture and movements it means listening. Listening is not necessary with our ears. When a child does mischief, his father looks sternly at the child, the child just obeys and withdraws from doing that mischief. That is listening. Listening requires concentration of the mind. It means understanding the words and the feelings of the speaker. When a dog hears any unusual sound it barks, when its master tames it, it listens and obeys. If an individual cannot hear he or she can attach a hearing aid in the ear. But there is no aid available to listen.
Listening involves four phases:
(a) Sensing: It is phases when we realize that some sound waves have reached our ears. We physically receive the sounds. For example: Our ears receive some animal sound.
(b) Interpreting: In this second phase we try to derive some meaning from the sound. We interpret it as cats “mewing” or “purring” or hissing”.
(c) Evaluating:  We judge whether the cat is near us and we need to run for safety or be cool as the sound is from a distance. We evaluate the sound to decide whether to respond or react.
(d) Respond: We run for safety if the cat is ferocious; or chase it away if it is harmless or ignore if it is at a distance.
Why do we listen?
Human beings are social by nature. They want to bond and connect. When somebody says “How are you?” we are enthused to listen and respond by saying “Thank you, I am fine”. We may indulge in casual dialogue to bond with the other person. In that short while we listen to jokes or tit bits for the sake of being connected. We go to music concerts, and listen to the music delivered by a renowned singer. We listen here to appreciate. We listen because it soothes us, relieves us of the stress after a hectic week. In a class room the teacher explains the concepts, as students we listen to learn. We have a purpose to understand the lessons and retain it in our mind, to appear for the exams confidently. Listening creates new horizons of thought. We want to buy an air conditioner. The store has window AC, split AC of different brands. We are unable to decide the product that will suit our budget and home. The sales man describes the features of all the products, we listen to decide. Your friend is distressed. He or she had a bad day in office. The person shares something to ‘get it out of her chest’. You listen to empathize, to comfort your friend, and help him or her to cleanse the emotions. By listening you are trying to make the person feel at ease emotionally.

Passive and active listening:
The person just hears what is said but does not respond or react, and then it is considered as passive listening. It is like talking to the concrete wall. It does not absorb and does not react. The speaker had wasted his time talking to a passive listener. These days every one plug their ears with earphone while walking, travelling and doing some chores. They are listening to music passively without responding. Their mind will be wondering elsewhere. Good communication is not being a passive listener. The teacher in the classroom will expect some gestures and eye movement in the face of the students to know whether the children have understood the lecture. If the students do not respond then it only means that they were not listening. A speaker is motivated only by active listeners. In addition to the message spoken the active listener also comprehends the joy or fear, the concerns, the feelings, the true sense of the words of the speaker. A child goes to his mother and says: I am unwell; the mother just touches his forehead, without speaking a word. This action shows that the mother listened to the statement and expressed her concern by her action. Hence a listener cannot be passive but needs to be active. While being an active listener we may try to promote our point or at the first opportunity will try to attack the speaker. This should be avoided. We need to be attentive listener and reflect on the points put forth by the speaker to gain clarity of perception. By being attentive and reflective we can understand the person better and strength our bond, or relationship.
Myths about listening:
1. Listening is not my problem; the fact is -- it is yours as much as others.
2. Hearing and listening are one and the same; No both are different.
3. Good readers are good listeners; Not necessary!!
4. People with high IQ listen better; not necessary, there is no correlation between IQ and listening.
5. As you grow older you become better listeners; the fact is as we grow older we understand better but it is not necessary we will listen better.
6. Listening skills cannot be taught; but the truth is it can be learnt and practiced.
We practice not to listen because:
As a child my mother used to say don’t forget to wear your tie to school. She has repeated this almost everyday during my schooling. By this repetition our mind fails to listen carefully the first time, our mind get conditioned to repetitiveness.  Therefore we fail to practice listening from the first instance. When somebody is talking, hearing the first part we get ready to answer or respond without listening to the full message. We start to think what to say than concentrate in what is said by the speaker. We also tend to talk along with the speaker, instead of listening to him or her. We are preoccupied with our own thoughts and hence fail to be attentive to the speaker’s message. There is a mismatch between the speed at which the speaker speaks and the listener’s thoughts. We are not interested in subject of discussion hence we do not want to listen. As soon as we hear what we expect we consciously shut our mind and do not bother to hear the rest of the statement or conversation. If the speaker is not acceptable by us we are prejudiced against the speaker. Our personal prejudices are the obstruction to our listening skill. We are so self centered that we are only bothered out our views and pay little attention to what the speaker says. Our strong beliefs and attitude do not permit us to listen. In short our ego retrains us from listening. The timing when the speaker speaks also matter. If we had a rough day we do not want to listen to a free advice but just want to hit the bed at the end of the day.
How to be an effective listener?
We need to first concentrate on the speaker, have eye contact, and follow the gestures and the body language of the speaker. We need to respond to the message quickly by “O.K”, “I see”, “Good”…., and so on. Even a nod, a smile and applause will show that you are an active attentive listener. Ask questions so that the speaker explains further, with clarity. Add a point or comment on any statement of the disagreement to surface a discussion, but do not disrupt the flow and wavelength of the speaker. Never be offensive, abusive or critical in your expression while voicing your opinion.  Some time you can also take notes, whether you use it or not in future the speaker is elated that he has made a distinct point. Understand the meaning that is expressed by the speaker, do not misinterpret and deviate the conversation to make it emotionally harmful to all. In a seminar or a public forum try not to sleep or slump in the chair, this discourages the speaker; the best thing during such situation is to walk out. Do not become overactive and disturb the speaker often, lest his flow of speech is disturbed.
Finally I just wanted to say, “Let those who have ears listen please.”

(@ copy writed by Padma shankar)